Kindness to Parents

“I asked Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) about the meaning of ‘kindness’ in the words of Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, ‘. . . and that you must be kind to your parents. . . .’ (17:23) The Imam said, ‘It means to behave with them in a good manner, not to make them ask you for help, even though they are self-sufficient. Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, has said, “You can never have extended virtue and righteousness unless you spend part of what you dearly love for the cause of Allah.’” (3:92) “The narrator has said that the Imam then said, ‘The words of Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, “If either or both of your parents should become advanced in age, do not express to them words which show your slightest disappointment. Never shout at them but always speak to them with kindness,” (17:23) if they say harsh words to you, do not say ‘Uff (expression of disappointment) to them, and do not shout at them if they beat you. Allah has said, ‘Speak kind words to them.’ The Imam said, ‘If they beat you say to them, “May Allah forgive you,” and this will be the kind and noble word from you.’ Allah has said, “Be humble and merciful toward them. . . .” (17:24) The Imam said, ‘Do not have an eyeful look at them except with kindness and tender heart, do not raise your voice over their voice or your hands over their hands and do not walk in front of them.’”

“I heard Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) saying, ‘Once a man came to the Holy Prophet and said, “O Messenger of Allah, give me a good advice.” The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Do not consider anything as partner of Allah even if you are tortured with fire except when your heart is confident with belief. You must obey your parents and be good to them whether living or dead. If they order you to leave your property and family you must do so; it is of belief.’”

“On the Day of Judgment something will suddenly come behind the believer, rush him forward and admit him in paradise. It will be said, ‘This is kindness.’”

“I asked Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) ‘Which deed is the best?’ The Imam said, ‘Prayer in its proper time, kindness to parents and hard work to strive for the cause of Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy.’”

“Once, a man asked the Messenger of Allah, ‘What is the right of the father on the son?’ The messenger of Allah said, ‘The son must not address his father by his name (first name), must not walk in front of him, must not take a seat before him, and must not cause people to abuse him.’”

“Once the Imam spoke to ‘Abd al- Wahid al-Ansari, while I was present, about kindness to parents mentioned in the words of Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, ‘Be kind to parents.’ We thought it was the verse in Chapter Seventeen that says, ‘. . . the Lord has ordained that you must not worship anyone other than Him and that you must “Be kind to your parents. . . .’ (17:23) Later I asked the Imam and he said, ‘It was verse 14-15 of Chapter 31, that says, “(Concerning his parents), We advised the man, (to be good to parents). . . . (31:14) If they try to force you to consider things equal to Me, which you cannot justify to be equal to Me, do not obey them.” (31:15) The Imam then said, ‘This shows greater significance of maintaining good relations with them in all cases.’ I asked about: ‘If they try to force you to consider things equal to Me, which you cannot justify to be equal to Me, do not obey them.’ (31:15) The Imam said, ‘It, in fact, is a command to establish good relations with parents even if they struggle to make him consider things equal to Allah. It only shows the greatness of the rights of parents.’” (Note: al-Majlisi in Mir’at al-‘Uqul has expressed concern about the authenticity of this Hadith. For details one may refer to this work.)

“Abu ‘Abd Allah (a.s.) has said, ‘Nothing prevents any of you from doing kindness to your parents, who are living or dead, in the form of prayer for them, giving charity on their behalf, performing Hajj and fasting on their behalf. These are things that one can do for them. He will also receive similar credit, thus, Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, will grant him a great deal of good rewards for his kindness to his parents.’”

“I asked abu al-Hassan al-Rida (a.s.) ‘Can I pray for my parents who do not know the truth?’ The Imam said, ‘Pray for them and give charity on their behalf. If they are living and do not know the truth, be kind to them; the Messenger of Allah has said, “Allah has sent me with (message of) kindness and not to punish.’”

“Once a man came to the Holy Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be kind?’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Be kind to your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then whom?’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then whom?’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then whom?’ The Messenger of Allah said, “Be kind to your father.”

“Once a man came to the Messenger of Allah and said, ‘I am interested in Jihad (joining the army) O Messenger of Allah. I am active and light.’ The Imam said, ‘The Holy Prophet said, “Do Jihad (join the army) in the way of Allah, if you will be killed you will be living with Allah and will receive sustenance. If you die you will receive your reward from Allah, and if you return you will return free from sins as in the day you were born.” The man then said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, my parents are old and they think my presence is a comfort for them and they do not like my going out.’ The Messenger of Allah then said, ‘Stay with your parents, I swear by the One in whose hand is my soul, that your parents’ receiving comfort from your presence with them for one day and night is more virtuous than Jihad for one year.’”

“I was a Christian, then I became a Muslim. I went for Hajj, where I met Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) and I said to him, ‘I was a Christian and I have become a Muslim.’ The Imam asked, ‘What have you seen in Islam?’ I said, ‘They are the words of Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, “. . . before, you did not even know what a Book or belief was, but We have made the Quran as a light by which We guide whichever of Our servants We want.’” (42:52) The Imam said, ‘Allah has certainly granted you guidance.’ The Imam then said three times: ‘O Allah, guide him. Son, ask whatever you want to ask.’ I then said, ‘My parents and my family are Christians and my mother is blind. I live with them. Can I eat from their utensils with them?’ The Imam asked, ‘Do they eat pork?’ I said, ‘No, they do not even touch it.’ The Imam said, ‘There is no offense in your eating with them. Take good care of your mother and be kind to her. When she will die do not leave her to others. You must do everything that she will need (for her funeral). Do not tell anyone of your meeting with me until you will meet me at Mina, if Allah would so will.’ I (the narrator) met him at Mina and people were around him as if he were the teacher of children. He asks a question then the other asks a question and so on. I returned to Kufa and I would act more kindly toward my mother. I would feed my mother, wash her clothes, her head and would serve her in other ways.’ She said, ‘My son, you did not do all this for me when you followed my religion. What is all that I see from you after you left and accepted the religion of submission (Islam)?’ I said, ‘A man from the descendents of our prophet has commanded me to do all this.’ She then asked, ‘Is this man a prophet?’ I said, ‘No, but he is a descendent of a prophet.’ She said, ‘My son, he is a prophet; these are of the teachings of the prophets.’ I said, ‘Mother, there will be no other prophet after our prophet. He is a descendent of our prophet.’ She then said, ‘Your religion is the best religion. Explain it to me.’ I then explained to her and she accepted Islam. I taught her more. She prayed, Zuhr, ‘Asr, Maghrib and ‘Isha’ prayers. Thereafter something happened to her at night and she said, ‘Son, explain and repeat to me what you told me about Islam and I repeated it to her. She affirmed them and then she died. In the morning the Muslims were the ones who helped with her funeral and washed her. I was the one who prayed on her body and climbed down in her grave (to place her body to rest).”’

“Once I explained to Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) how kind my son Isma’il was to me. The Imam said, ‘I loved him before and this has increased my love for him. Once, the sister of the Messenger of Allah (through breast-feeding) visited him. When he saw her he became very happy to see her, prepared a seat for her, began to talk to her and smiled at her. She left and her brother came. The Holy Prophet did not behave toward him as he did to her. He was asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, you behaved toward his sister differently from the way you behaved toward him, and he is a man.’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘It was because she was more kind to her parents than he was.’”

“Once I said to Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) ‘My father has become very old and weak. We pick him up and help him for the restrooms.’ The Imam said, ‘If you can, you should do all of this for him and feed him with your own hand; it is paradise for you tomorrow. ’”

“I heard a man saying to Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) ‘My parents are against us (our belief).’ The Imam said, ‘Be kind to them just as Muslims who follow us are kind (to their parents).”’

‘‘There are three things in which Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, has not given any concession: safely returning of the trust to appropriate people, regardless of their being good or evil people, keeping the promise for good or evil people, and being kind to parents whether of good or of evil manners.”

“Abu ‘Abd Allah (a.s.) has said, ‘It is of tradition and virtue to adopt al-Kunyah (like abu’ meaning father of or ‘Ibn’) of the name of one’s father.’”

“Once a man came to the Holy Prophet and asked about kindness to parents. The Holy Prophet said, ‘Be kind to your mother, be kind to your mother, be kind to your mother, be kind to your father, be kind to your father, and be kind to your father. He began with mother before the father.’”

“Once a man came to the Holy Prophet and said, ‘I had a daughter and I brought her up until she became an adult. I then dressed her up in beautiful clothes, took her to the well and threw her therein to her death and the last thing I heard from her was; O father! What is the expiation for it?’ The Messenger of Allah asked, ‘Do you have a living mother?’ He said, ‘No, I do not.’ The Messenger of Allah asked, ‘Do you have a living maternal aunt?’ He said, ‘Yes, I do.’ The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Be kind to her; she is like a mother, this will serve as expiation for what you have done.’ Abu Khadijah has said, ‘I asked Abu ‘Abdillah (a.s.) ‘When was this?’ The Imam said, ‘It was in the time of Jahiliyah (age of darkness). They would kill the girls for fear of being taken captive and giving birth to other people.’”

“I asked abu Ja’far (a.s.) ‘Can a son pay back (for the favors of) a father?’ The Imam said, ‘There is no payment for him except two things: if the father is a slave and the son buys him and sets him free, or the father is in debt and the son pays it off.’”

“Once a man came to the Messenger of Allah and said, ‘I am a young and active man and love Jihad (joining the army), but my mother does not like it.’ The Holy Prophet said, ‘Go back and stay with your mother. I swear by the One Who has sent me with the truth as a prophet that her feeling comfort because of your presence for one night is better for your Jihad in the way of Allah for one year.”

“A servant (of Allah) may have been kind to his parents during their lifetime but when they die he does not pay their debts, and does not ask forgiveness for them. Allah writes him as unkind (person) to parents. One may have been unkind to parents during their lifetime but after their death, when he pays off their debts and asks forgiveness for them, Allah, the Most Majestic, the Most Holy, writes him down to be among the people who are kind to their parents.”